Story of Forgiveness

Given to Reverend Bill by God on May 31, 2007 at 5:17 p.m.
God: Forgiveness is not about who was abused the most. Forgiveness is a process that takes years, centuries, a lifetime.

Rev Bill: God, I have heard many times that forgiveness begins with you. When you can learn to forgive yourself, you will be set free.
God: Billy, you were abused as a child and when you grew you, you continued to abuse you. You went to Twelve Steps, therapy group and alone, and you studied the disease that abused you.
Rev Bill: How interesting that You said a disease abused me…yet it did. Both my parents were alcoholics. My mom died from the disease so I guess it should be easy to forgive someone who is diseased. I don’t think so. God…how do I do this?
God: By loving yourself, Billy, till I call you home.
Rev Bill: Sounds easy but it’s not. When you live with a disease like this which tells you…you are worthless for twenty-two years of your life, and then that disease disappears because the abuser dies, guess what? You become the abuser. You continue to tell you, you are worthless and find people in the army, business relationships and personal, too, to keep you down. You allow it until one day, when you are forty-three years old…you attempt suicide. Thank God you were not successful. You come out of the hospital and hear someone say you need to forgive yourself, Billy, in order to live. My question: why? I was born from a diseased person’s body and abused by all adults you are supposed to trust; Mom, dad, neighbor, uncle, principal, police officer, sergeant in the army, business partner, self. Why God?
God: Billy, as a child you take responsibility for everything an adult does to you. Were you not sitting by your mom’s bedside at age twenty-two telling mom and Me you would be a better son if only mom would live? Forgiveness for one’s self is the start of one’s healing. When one hold onto the anger, you become as the abuser even if you are not active in the disease.
Rev Bill: When I came out of the hospital, I did begin my process. Through the help of many, I have been successful in first forgiving me, and then those who abused. I have peace today with most and then I asked You what more did I need to do?
God: Billy, you have come a long way and yet you are not done. The more forgiveness you find, the stronger your spirit becomes. When you find that forgiveness you have a whole lot of loving to do and that begins with you. Once you find the forgiveness and start the loving, then I send My children to you for help.
Rev Bill: That is exactly what You have done. It has been a long road back since 1990 yet I have continued to persevere. I don’t feel my case is special…more or less than another, yet if it helps another to forgive and live…so be it. I will continue to forgive, live and love the rest of my life and I will serve You God in whatever way you see fit.